Finally Time To Begin

At the park last weekend, Grey wouldn't get in the frame :)

About 3 weeks ago I truly thought I would never be able to get this blog off the ground. I could barely make it through the 8-ish hours a day I was home alone with Greyson without falling apart the second Jeremy walked in. I was EXHAUSTED. ALL THE TIME. I was napping every second Grey was (the falling-dead-asleep-the-second-my-head-hit-the-pillow kind of nap); trying to drink gallons of water and coffee and eating every energy-producing food I could think of; going to bed early, laying down for an hour between dinner and baby bed time, sitting on the couch trying to rest while Grey played. I felt nauseous at night, stressed out/panic-attack-y all day, and whenever Grey cried i'd get so angry/frustrated i'd want to throw things at the wall (which made me even more frustrated and angry: what kind of response is that to my CHILD?!?!). I felt like a failure, and every level, all day long. No matter how much Jeremy loved on me and tried to encourage me I just felt horrible.

Upon sharing some of these things with a mommy friend in Oregon she asked me if I thought I had Postpartum Depression (PPD). Since I thought that was only something that happened right after babies were born, I hadn't even thought of that. So I looked it up, and sure enough, there were the symptoms:
-Exhaustion and fatigue
-Anger
-Lose of interest in activities you usually enjoy
-Irritability and hypersensitivity
-Anxiety
-Stomach and muscle pains/cramps

Now i've had depression symptoms before, but it's funny how when you're in the middle of it you don't realize that's the issue. I didn't feel like it was bad enough to go to the doctor though (and I hate going to the doctor anyways, and I don't have one yet either way). So I called an older mom I know from when I used to babysit for her (she's also a nurse) and told her how I was feeling and what I was going through. She was able to ask me some more specific things than I could have asked myself, and when I told her Greyson was starting to wean himself and wasn't nursing nearly as much as he used to, she told me that was probably the issue: all my hormones were shifting and re-setting yet again from lowered milk production.

She also told me that the things I was feeling were normal, and that they would go away eventually. I was supposed to take care of myself, give myself grace, and just do what I could each day to get things done and not worry about stuff that didn't get done. And so I did...and it DID pass.

Labor Day weekend at Hume Lake

By the time we got home from Labor Day weekend at Hume Lake, I felt so insanely much better, it was crazy. The last week and a half has been ordinary, normal, and FAB-U-LOUS cause I didn't feel like crawling into corner and dying. I got up every morning feeling awake, didn't nap even once during his nap time, got things cleaned up as I went, was able to have a quiet time for the first time in months, and got dinner made every night (more on how that happened in a few days).

And so it is finally time to get this thing going. (See the Why I Blog tab for a more in-depth explanation). Look for a tutorial on a 10 Minute Infinity scarf coming up soon!

With Love,